A few years back a I did some coaching with an up and coming publisher that created a series of self help books in which she found ten authors that each contributed one chapter, and voila a book was born. All of the books began with, “The Guide to Getting It” and had subtitles on vision, leadership, abundance, etc. I participated in the vision book.
Why talk about this now?
I think that it’s taken me a few years to really “get it” to get where success really comes from - it comes from within. I mean I know that in many ways I’ve always known this, but just like you I often find myself blinded by the desire to know “how others are doing it” and making the unconscious assumption and connection that their path will work for me too.
This month I’ve been cleaning through old files, notebooks, books, clothing, and all the extra things that fill my home and office. What I notice is that there’s a lot of stuff that I no longer serves me as well as there are some gems that have been patiently waiting for me to re-discover them.
Most of the gems are thoughts, inspirational quotes, and ideas that I scribbled in a variety of notebooks and on top of papers I printed that had the next great idea.
I’ve noticed a pattern. I’ve continually written the same thing again and again. Now one may call that a pattern of insanity - to do the same thing again and again, but to expect different results. But what I noticed is that each time I stated it just a bit differently and wrote these thoughts, ideas and inspirational quotes over time, so it’s not like they are all in once place mocking me.
In the past four months I’ve been working with four mid to senior level managers. Guess what the focus has been? Connecting to what they really want in their work and acknowledgment of the patterns that help them move forward and the patterns that hinder them. Guess which patterns have been most effective? The ones that create the pain and stop them from having what they want, but the problem has been that they weren’t completely concsious to what was stopping them.
It’s like drinking a pot of coffee at 4 pm and then wondering why you can’t get a good nights sleep and are tired in the morning. While you’re drinking the coffee you aren’t focused on how you are going to feel the next morning, quite possibly you are working on an amazing project that you love and find that the coffee helps you in that moment. But to be successful long term you’ve got to stop drinking the pot of coffee at 4 pm.
How often do we really study ourselves and the patterns which are also known as habits that help or hinder us getting what we really want?
So to bring it around….stop and take some time to become conscious and notice…\
An Inspirational Exercise
- when are you feeling authentic, expanded and relaxed? (these are the patterns that are generally helping you) Make a list.
- what are the actions you both take or don’t take that stop you from having what you want? Make a list.
- Then make a list of your top 3 to 5 values - you know the ones that guide you. You can use an exercise I use with clients. form-personal-values-and-bus-clarification.
- Study the patterns that hinder you - next to each pattern write down how you feel when that pattern shows up
- Then look at each pattern / habit - is it in alignment with your core values or does it create conflict? What I’ve noticed for myself and others is that my negative patterns and habits usually create conflict and hence throw me into the self perpetuating spiral of not getting what I want and I’m often pissed off at the same time.
- For each pattern / habit - write down the feeling / emotion you experience with it.
- For each pattern write down how you’d really like to feel instead.
- Each time you find yourself experiencing the negative patterns and feelings - stop and connect to how you want to feel instead.
A personal example:
Freedom is one of my core values. When I have freedom I feel expanded and relaxed. I feel authentic. I feel like I can conquer the world. I feel like any thing is possible. I am the master of my destiny.
One of my patterns that stops me is overwhelm mixed with procrastination (there being so many options and so much on my plate that I find myself having a hard time sticking to my plan and staying focused. So what do I do? I procrastinate. This specific pattern feels like it is the opposite of freedom. Guess what happens, more procrastination and more feeling badly. With this pattern I feel - like I want to cry. I feel like I might not get it right and am filled with self doubt. I feel anxious.
Notice the completely different emotions I am feeling? I’m sharing this both because I want you to know that I’m human just like you, and because real examples tend to be the most powerful.
How does one change the patterns and habits that affect your life?
Become conscious.
In order to make a change in your life you first my “know what you didn’t concsiously know” which is also known as being conscious and aware. So know that I know what I know - what will I choose to do about it?
So for me, once I notice that I’m not creating a to do list or even worse - I have a long one and nothing is getting checked off because I keep jumping into what’s showing up instead of what’s most important. It’s time to personally check in, make the lists I mention above.
Then ask myself, what do you really want, Freedom (expanded and on top of the world) or to procrastinate and feel anxious and self doubt? which one will help you succeed? Freedom wins every time.
Are you ready to succeed? Then take 15 minutes to study yourself.
I’d love to hear, what do you really want?
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